Sunday, September 24, 2006

disgust

somehow people who broke up with their girlfriends/boyfriends deserve more sympathy than those who have to deal with the death of a loved one.

no doubt the loved one is a 4-legged piece of furball - it's a living thing, breathing, eating, peeing, shitting, whining and cuddling like any other human being because it is a living thing.

it just disgusts me how many people think that losing a dog is equivalent to that of losing a goldfish.

i dont need sympathy nor attention from anyone because i am strong and i am independent.

i reveal my vulnerable side to a selected few who wont judge me for anything in this world.

sea sea's death has affected me in more ways than one and i am taking it harder than expected.

it has been a month and i am not remotely over it. Every morning, i wake up and i think of her. Everytime i come home, i think of her. Every nite before i sleep, i think of her.

Many times when i was on the bus, i would think of her. Sometimes when i was working, i think of her. Almost everytime im having lunch, i think of her.

I appear ambivalent and nonchalent about it in front of my friends because i dont want anybody to ask me about her and wants to offer me condolences because i cannot deal with all these. I might just break down - even consoling smses from friends drive me to the brink of tears at times.

the past one and a half years - i was having the time of my life in australia, pursuing a dream that would last me a lifetime. the opportunity cost is the time with my loved ones.

i wasnt around to watch her grow old and sick and weak.

i shouldnt have to deal with her death the moment i came home.

too many regrets...

i am a very positive person - if you, my friend, didnt already know. And i hate imposing my feelings and emotions on other people.

Just because i am smart with my feelings and emotions, and i am strong enough to control them does not mean people can take my feelings for granted and assume i can and had gotten over my dog's death.

i shall not go into my opinions on breakups for it will appear insensitive to many.

people cant deal with raw emotions and confrontations - they squirm when the truth is told.

why do i have to deal with stupid people all the time?



3 comments:

Anonymous said...

you're strong alright! keep it up, superwoman. i'm sure sea-sea's as strong as you! :)
and which asshole says losing a dog is equivalent to goldfish? tell me... TELL ME! i'll go slapped his/her bloody face with dead goldfishes!! $^&*%^ kaoz...

-kel

Angela Lau. said...

haha kel~!!!

that my figure of speech - cos i somehow think u cant really be too sad when ur goldfish die.

firstly - they dont live very long so logically u wouldnt invest too much feelings into it during its short span of life.

secondly - they dont make any noise like whining, barking so they cant get your attention to watch them chase their tail, tickle their tummies or plainly happy to see u home.

thirdly - they dont cuddle u to sleep so u cant really be physically close with them such that they become irreplaceable.

this is gonna sound heartless - but i think goldfish are pretty much replaceable. unlike dogs.

----

conclusion is - u cant really say things like its been a month - u mean haven get over?

well - idiots exist everywhere.
i'm just glad im not one of them.

;-)

Anonymous said...

that's precisely what i meant!

you can't talk to a goldfish and expects it to understand you.
you can't teach a goldfish commands.
you don't have a goldfish that springs into excitement and wags its tails to welcome you home.
you can't play catch with a goldfish.
you can't go swmimming with a goldfish.
you can't have a goldfish that tells you its happy, sad, or angry.
you can't bathe a goldfish and have it shake to make you wet from head to toe.
you can't scold a goldfish when it misbehaves (as if it will) and have it looking at you apologetically.

its not heartless, its a fact.
i maybe extreme, but i'm glad i'm not one(idiot) too! ;)