On the way

What is on the way?

A bloody tag board. FINALLY!!! I hear some of you heaved that sigh of relief.

In order to fit a tagboard in, i had to RE-Bloody-Design my entire blog. So i happily changed everything, from layout to colour. I even sampled two different layouts and just playing around with them a lil bit. I spend half a day plus plus plus to do everything - being the perfectionist that i am, i will not compromise that slightest flaw. So the template and the tagboard wont be up just yet.

But they are definitely on the way.

To just stir things up abit, cos there was an anonymous person who posted a comment in this entry who complained abt how boring my blog is. sibei sad.

So...i've actually done a teeny weeny lil bit of changes in my blog - if you can spot them.

If any of you had noticed, the "I should be so lucky" post was taken off and then its up again. I do not owe anybody any fuckin explanation so yea....

i am so excited abt my new layout!!

I should be so lucky

NOPE. I AM SO FUCKIN LUCKY LEH~~

haha - the title of the blog is a hint to what i'll do this coming thursday, which is what pple like me do in Singapore on Wednesdays.

MAKE A WILD GUESS. shouldnt be so difficult leh~

But yet, i shouldnt focus on how lucky i SHOULD have been. Instead i should count my blessings and take heart in knowing that i am actually pretty lucky.

THE LIST. Here goes:

1) I am still fuckin alive - despite all that has happened to my car, my roof over my head, my head literally cos of the bloody winter in Ipswich, assignments and presentations.

2) My family's still fuckin alive although they have incessantly complained about how little i have rang them since i came here. I have only rang back home 3 bloody times. First time was the day i reach aussie - just to let them know im safe. THEN, the second time is about 3bloody months ago. The 3rd time is about last week.

3) My dogs are still fuckin alive.

4) So is Mr Chua.

5) I have alot of friends who care about me.

6) I have freedom.

YES. THATS IT. I have absolute freedom. I've always had freedom - not always, i was restricted alot when i was younger.

I remember Jasmine, a friend i met thru Karin, was VERY VERY VERY VERY shocked when she heard i got a bf. Either she thinks im sooooooo hideous tat no man on this earth will take a liking to me OR she thinks chiongsters dun haf bf.



haha ya lah! So i asked her why is she so shocked then she said, cos everytime jio u, u sure come out one leh~~ Karin dubbed me "sui chuan sui dao" kaki leh - meaning anytime call anytime oso can. haha, this type of clubbin kaki where to find rite?

then as usual, i always reply: my bf bochap me one! muahahaha

i just tend to have the tendency to frame things around me in a bad light. Part of my virtue of being humble

Not i want to say ah, but MR CHUA....haha, he:

1) Send me to the doorstep of Zouk. OK maybe not literally, at most he send until the bus stop outside zouk only.

2) Sometimes, he come and send me back if he's in a good mood.

3) He doesnt mind i meet new friends when i go clubbing - gang or bu - oso ok.

4) He's absolutely fine with me going out clubbing with my guy friends.

5) If im drunk - kindly note: this has not been happening for a LONG LONG LONG LONG LONG time - the next person who laughs at my drunken stupor - wait for me at Changi Airport in Dec and i will ta u my Absolut Vanilla sitting in my fridge. See whose the one drunk. Anyway, digress so much. IF IM DRUNK, he'll take my contact lens case to me, and patiently wait till i am sober enough to take them out.

6) For those of you who do not know, i DUN FUCKIN BATHE BEFORE I SLP AFTER I GO CHIONG. Say whatever u want, i cant be bothered. And he doesnt even mind sleeping beside me who smelt a combination of smoke, alcohol, perfume and saliva. Cos i'd imagine alot of pple laughing when they go out with me? Muahaha, laughing at my drunken stupor.

7) He wont flare up if i missed his message cos i didnt feel the vibration while i was trying to squeeze like sardines in Phuture, Zouk or Chinablack.

8) He doesnt mind at all when i received a call at 8pm asking me to go Chinablack, meet at 10 or 11pm. In fact he would do point 1 if im running late.

9) He doesnt mind to be awaken in the middle of the nite by an SMS i sent him to inform him im safely home.

10) FINALLY. HE ABOSLUTELY TRUSTS ME. He does not question what i do - as a matter of fact, he's not interested. I tell him every single detail that happened and he cant even remember my friends' name. Except Karin. He will not imagine anything like those funny boyfriends.

I have a friend who cant go clubbing here cos his gf dun like him to. WHY? Cos she scared he go pick up girls. Truth is, the boy is an absolute honest boy whose nv done anything of the sort. She's just living in extreme paranoia that imagines her bf would do tat based on the stories unsuccessful couples feed her. Well, i start to reflect on how lucky i am. Hence the inspiration to blog.

I always have a problem with MR CHUA. He's not as romantic lah...as sensitive lah... and he's fat. Haiz..............................

BUT at least i have his heart and his trust.

2 of the most precious things that sometimes couples who've been together for millions of years still yearn for and kick in their graves for not owning both.

The abovementioned couple were together for 5 years. I wonder how would a relationship without trust survived 5 golden years. ONE TOLERANT BF. Hehehe.

I am lucky cos i have the love of my parents who volunteered to lend me more money for my car knowing that my car's broke down.

I am lucky cos i have 2 dogs in Jurong waiting for me to go back at the end of the year.

I am lucky cos i got friends waiting for me to paint the town red with them once i hit sunny singapore.

I am lucky cos i have friends who genuinely miss me.

I am lucky cos i am a fuckin student who dun need to worry about getting to work on time everyday and if my boss liked me.

I am lucky cos i am still alive and kicking, in fact, i gained a bit of weight.

I am lucky cos i have the love, trust and fats of a man who not only accepts me for who i am (sometimes only. when he's in a good mood) but gave me something extra in life called Freedom.

Erm....dunno if some of you find this post erm.... u know.... mushy?

haha, im absolutely not mushy about it. i just suddenly got alot of reflections about it?

Many of us focused on the wrong things and things that pple fail to do or accomplish cos its easy to do, isnt it? But becos we do tat, we also overlook on all the nice things that we've been showered with but took for granted.

Never too late to count your blessings.

Turn

Turn - Travis

I want to see what people saw
I want to feel like I felt before
I want to see the kingdom come
I want to feel forever young
I want to sing
To sing my song
I want to live in a world where I belong
I want to live
I will survive

And I believe that it won't be very long
If we turn, turn, turn, turn, turn
Then we might learn
So where's the stars?
Up in the sky
And what's the moon?
A big balloon
We'll never know unless we grow
There's so much world outside the door
I want to sing
To sing my song
I want to live in a world where I'll be strong
I want to live
I will survive
And I believe that it won't be very long
If we turn, turn, turn, turn
And if we turn, turn, turn, turn
Then we might learn
Turn, turn, turn, turn
Turn, turn, turn
And if we turn, turn, turn, turn
Then we might learn
Learn to turn

------------------------------------------------
I have been listening to my old cds recently. Why? Cos i got no money to buy new ones. Why? Cos im in OZ Land where everything is just more expensive. I wanna buy X&Y!! But they selling at AUD$30 here!!! MY bloody gawd.

anyway, i really enjoy listening to old cds of mine. Most of those CDs, i bought them when i was in my teens. 15, 16? 17? 18? im an adult now.
Like Smashing Pumpkins. God....that was like my FIRST band. I used to listen to 93.3 all along till i was about 14 or 15. Then when i first heard Smashing Pumpkins' ADORE cd, i was hooked. The rest is history. I started my journey of rock and punk and alternative listening to Third Eye Blind, 3Doors Down, Pearl Jam, Limp Bizkit, RHCP. Then i start to find my niche, and slowly cultivating my taste in music. The only chinese songs i listen to are Faye Wong & Wubai cos those 2 are my idolised ones when i was listening to chinese music.

After the times of heavy metal and really hard core rock songs, i mellowed down. Then there was Travis, Coldplay, John Lennon, Sarah McLachlan, Cranberries etc.

Then even now-er, im listening to The Strokes, The Thrills, The Killers....

Just suddenly thought of posting that piece of lyrics from Travis. From their older album called THE MAN WHO. I used to know what tat title of the album means.... i have since forgotten.

Someone once heard the songs that i listened to and asserted that i listen to RADIO MUSIC. BIGGEST JOKE I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

then Joss stone, Akon, Eminem, Britney Spears, Michael Buble, Backstreet Boys, Justin Timberlake, Beach Boys, Foo Fighters, Coldplay all share the same genre.

RADIO MUSIC? Well, it depends on which station you listen to isnt it? You dont hear Class 95 playing Beach Boys, do they?

I seriously have not heard of a bigger joke and met a bigger moron.

Anyway, i should stop digressing.

How i wish i can be like what they depict on the lyrics. I too, wanna live in a world where i am strong. How i wish i can learn how to turn.

If only life is so easy.

Hopes & Fears

Such an empathetic title to begin with. Hmmmmm.. as suggested in my previous post, my car broke down. Complete a la Takumi in Initial D style. She just died on me. Just like that. I sensed something was wrong and i exited the nearest exit on the motorway, just in time to see her die on me. Smoke and smell~~

I was saying to Shawn sitting beside me, "i cant move it". Absolutely not. The car behind me gave me a honk upon seeing my hazard lights on. Shawn (Shann's bf) came out of the car to push my car to the side & the driver behind came out to help. Another ang moh came to help and offer advice too. And, i rang RACQ (Queensland roadside assistance) to tow my car. Because 5 of us (Me, Shann, Shawn & 2 of Shann's friends) were stuck in the middle of a highway exit, RACQ got the tow truck to send all 5 of us to a "safe" location where we haf to figure our own way out.

And i haf to haf 4 other friends, 2 of which i've just met, to witness the death of my car.

AS USUAL, i will not detail happenings of events but on my thoughts.

Its only in times of crisis like this that one learns who their true friends are. I am indeed lucky to have very good friends who were there for me when i needed their help most while stuck in no man's land.

Did i fail to mention that fateful day - 29 July - was also the day im supposed to catch Billy Corgan in concert. (Dont fuckin ask me who he is - go GOOGLE yourself.) I almost didnt feel like going because i was feeling so tired inside and out. I actually fell asleep while waiting for Mr Ho to fetch me at the garage. And i did not have anything to eat that day for the whole fuckin day.

I woke up late for my class at 10am and it finished early at half past 12 instead of 4. So i decided to meet Shann and company to go IKEA since i promised them i'll bring them there on sat. So if friday is free, might as well settle it early. Journey was fine on the motorway even till i reached Indooroopilly where i met them. Somewhere along Coronation Drive and my temperature gauge hit H. I panicked so i started lookin for a service station. Decided to add some coolant but it proved to be a grave mistake. Viviane later told me i should let it cool down before adding coolant or i should let the motor run while pouring the coolant or else i'll crack the engine. Which explains why i hear clicking and clanging metal sounds moments before my car died.

In any case, kind Mr Ho knowing that i didnt have anything to eat the whole day brought me out for dinner and then sending me to the concert. I'm so touched that i will marry him had he not have higher expectations from a girl. I cannot make it one lah...

Then after the concert, i will need a lift back to Ipswich. But that's not neccessary cos if there's no one to fetch me, i'll take a cab (however fucking ridiculously priced they are - aussie cabs count by minute not by km) to my friend's place to stay for the nite and take a train home the next day. I will always figure my way out~

However, Mel & Jayen, a very kind couple extended their helping hand to me by waiting for me and sending me home. No words written or spoken can express the magnitude of my gratitude towards them. Try being car-less and homeless and you'll see how a pair of hands seem so different as they would on a normal day.

Then there is Ben and Leigh. An aussie couple i met at the concert.

The best thing that happened to me that nite was Billy, Ben and Leigh. Mr anonymous corrected me by pointing out mel & jayen's kindness which i will graciously accept. However, Ben and Leigh revealed the side of human nature which i have NEVER EVER seen before. Kindness in its purest and elitist form. Just pure kindness and genuinity without asking for anything in return absolutely.

I was at Billy's concert standing amongst these australians. Big tall strong men pushes you out of their way so they get a better view. Leigh, being as tall as me, was being shoved and so did i. We started talkin abt billy and the concert and after the concert i decided to be thick skinned abit, as i usually am , to ask if i could borrow her phone. I wanna exchange SIM card because i didnt want to use her credits and i saved all my numbers on my card. So she patiently waited and while i was talking, she even helped out with directions. Later on, we went on to have a drink and Ben suggested that they take down my email and phone so that they could send me Billy's pictures.

While Leigh was enjoying the concert, Ben - who is at least 1.9m tall with the pecs and shoulder to complete that frame of his - was diligently taking pictures with their va va voom camera. Suddenly reminds me of someone familiar who accompanies me to all the concerts in Singapore.

My phone was out of battery - as in BATTERY EMPTY. Meaning i could not even phone for help. Got payphones but all my numbers in the SIM card. Such a shame we've all become slaves of technology that we paralyse ourselves by depending on them on every single thing in our lives. So kind Leigh lent me her phone and ben & her and i started chatting. Then later they walked me out while i wait for mel & jayen. I told them that they can leave first, i'll be fine waiting but they INSISTED on waiting with me. I must say i was definitely glad. I think we waited for a good 45mins before i decide to ring mel to see if they could find me. Later on, i just told them to wait for me at the train station while they walked me there too.

Finally reaching my destination, i gave Leigh and Ben a big hug before saying goodbyes and them promising the pictures would come.

What a nite.

This past few weeks have been really trying on me. Ben and Leigh showed me the OTHER side of human race that i've grown so cynical of.

There exists people who are willing to help people without asking for anything in return. I mean, i am but a total stranger to Ben & Leigh yet they agreed to help me in all ways they could without a hint of hesitation.

KIND PEOPLE DO EXIST.

And it warms my heart just to know that all is not lost in the human race. Humans bicker and you dont even need to do anything at all. People bicker about you and half of the time you are not aware. People always try and speak for u, dont they? Have they not realised, i dont need a fuckin voice. I can speak and write better than any of those pigs out there. Yet there's little one can do.

Friday nite - 29 July - remains a night i cant forget. The day i lost faith and regained hope. I completely lost faith in my Camry - now im just awaiting the garage to ring me on Monday morning to tell me how much its gonna cost to fix my car.

In spite of all that has happened, i shall remain hopeful of the world.

If i have never pushed myself out of my comfort zone by living alone & not with the huge student population in Unilink:
i will not have met Viviane - a wonderful lady and housemate who's taught me so many things in life that goes beyond "experience".

If i have never pushed myself out of my comfort zone by going ALONE to the billy corgan concert:
i will not have met wonderful people like Ben & Leigh and take heart in knowing that there are kind souls in this world.

And therefore, i shall push myself out of my comfort zone by updating my blog more often. hahaha!!

Ta guys!! Wont be long....

what a day

what a day.

yesterday (friday 29 july) was a trying day.

my car broke down in the middle of a highway. and i havent had anything to eat at all till abt 7 in the evening.

i've got to catch billy corgan somewhere in the city and i've got no transport to and fro back home.

THE BEST THING THAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY WAS BILLY, LEIGH AND BEN.

i met two amazing kind souls, leigh and ben at the concert. u have no idea how kind they are.

will update tmr if im not too tired after cleaning my room, study and toilet and ironing my clothes and clearing my desk and doing housekeeping on last sem's stuff.

ta!

Do i look tired?

muahahaha my dear beloved GROUNDNUT sent me a msg on Friendster say she miss me!!! OF cos i miss u guys man...why u think i decided to go back at the end of the year?

And i know a handful of u, in fact alot of u sent me msgs on Friendster. Im sorry if i didnt reply. I always seem to have problems leh, dunno why~~ everytime i reply and type out liao, the message would hang there or there's something wrong with my connection. Some of you might know the kind of internet connection i have here in Ipswich.

anyway, GROUNDNUT sent me the message saying i look prettier!!! (Based on the pics i posted in Friendster) I have just recently uploaded totally new pictures. All fuckin 12 of them. Without captions of cos...

Hahaha, anyway, she assumed i looked prettier because i know how to doll up myself. Hmmmmm so that means:

1) I looked uglier when i was in SG. Which means i dunno how to doll up myself when i was in SG (since she said i looked prettier and i must've know how to doll up myself now).

2) Since i looked prettier now, meaning i know how to doll up myself and that means i can only look pretty with the help of dolling up.



Groundnut also didnt fail to mention that my skin looked dry and advised me to moisturise. Thanks ger~~

It really is drier here in winter and knowing the kind of person i am, i only moisturise when:
1) i feel like it
2) i remember

Funny thing when i read that message was that i burst out laughin!! How funny was that??



anyway, time to clear up.

First thing about me looking prettier:

1) it could be just the camera. 600 over bucks for that fuckin IXUS 40. Slim enough for me to sneak it in to Destiny's Child concert in my trusty Levi's. Takes the world's best pictures.

2) it could be the weather and a change of environment. u look as pretty as your environment.

3) Maybe maybe maybe, i just became prettier after drinking that witch's potion. But i'll turn back to my ugly self every nite before i go to bed. So only one person sees that side of me and still loves me for who i am.

4) Maybe GROUNDNUT is so deeply madly in love, that all she sees are beautiful things.

Why do i make the above 4 assumptions? Becos Groundnut is wrong and thats becos i am still the same old Angie. Cannot be i look prettier one lah cos i didnt even change leh~
In other words, im tryin to say im pretty all along (thats if u agree with Groundnut that i looked prettier). Wahahaha

Reasons why im still the same:

1) I do not put on an ounce of make up. AT ALL. i didnt even put on makeup when i go chinablack with my kakis. I used to doll up for clubbin sessions. And then i got tired of it. And thats becos i was absolutely lazy. Whats new eh?

2) I did not buy any new clothes. Im still wearing all the clothes that i brought from Singapore. Yep i bought a couple of tops for like $10 each but they're about the same as those i wore in Singapore.

3) I wear my specs more often than i did compared to when i was in SG. Guess why. You got it right? COS IM FUCKIN LAZY. To put on contact lens and to take them off. Anyway i look cool in my specs wat!!! (*absolute cognitive dissonance)

4) i dont even haf money $$$$ to cut my hair? How to stay pretty? My fringe is so long it has to be swept to the side and my hair jus feels so out of shape.

5) and i didnt need to learn to doll up. I ALREADY KNOW. Im jus lazy, thats all.



Lets take a look at the pictures i posted in my friendster.

do i look tired in any of the above? maybe the top right hand corner one taken with MR CHUA. Well that was the 1st day i collected my car which means we woke up at abt 7 or 8am to hitch a ride from my landlady to school. Then i went to have a consultation with my tutor regarding my assignment and then we rushed to take the bus to withdraw money from the bank and then rushed to take the train to GOLD COAST. Which means we have to take a 3-hour train ride to reach Gold Coast. Thereafter collecting the car, we drove up to MT TAMBORINE. 30 over km lor. U tell me, tired anot.

Do i look tired in any of those? Maybe the last pic with Shann. Well, that was DESTINY'S CHILD nite. School from 9-4pm. Then drove down 43km to St Lucia (where Shann lives) from Ipswich only to realise that i left the concert tics at home in lovely ipswich. No choice, gotta drive all the way back, figuring my way back. Then, gotta figure my way to the concert venue which is about 50km away. Then drove all the way there and navigating my way there with my street directory all by myself cos Shann cant really read maps. And i totally skipped dinner cos i was late. U TELL ME LAH...tired anot.



Do i look tired in any of those? Yea, tired of posing.

It's just amazing what seemingly harmless pictures could mean differently to different people.

Pictures speak a thousand words and they speak for themselves and speak for me. BUT DID I EVER SAY I NEEDED A VOICE?

I have my own voice. Yet in life, there are tonnes of things that speaks for themselves and there's nothing you can do about it. Things can speak for themselves but people cant listen to themselves. The picture does speak for itself, however, different people who sees the pictures, comes up with different conclusions. So whose words count? Not mine, i guess. Ultimately, people only hear what they wanna hear.

Alot of times you dont even need to do or say anything. Just stand there and tongues wag.

So what if things speak for themselves and people's tongues wag. Does that mean u are not going to do what u want and have to do?

Absolutely not.

The tongue weighs practically nothing yet so few can hold it.



ok its all starting to sound serious becos i suddenly got alot of inspirations on that topic. "REN YAN KE WEI".

And mr thong said he wants my hair. Kaozz...... y u like them ah...

AS PROMISED, THEY'RE IN MY NEXT POST (which is this one).



I wanna shout it out to you guys in SUNNY SINGAPORE.

Thanks for all the neverending msgs to ask about my well being. Absolutely great to know that there are friends who are genuinely concerned and interested about my well-being. True friends are hard to come by.

I dont reply your msgs thru friendster; and i apologise. Not that i dont care, but a combination of environmental and physical conditions made it pretty impossible. Send me emails!! I'll definitely read and reply all my emails. Friendster msg is for those who forgot, dunno or throw away my email addy.

Heh, tryin to blog as much as i can while im in the mood for it and school hasnt started giving me its full force strenth of pressure.

School's started for a week already. And fuck! I got school on Friday. Sianz. :(

tata! and im going to watch Billy Corgan tmr. Yippe!