I'm not dead, just dead busy, that's all.
Recently been having bouts of flashbacks of my life in australia.
The time spent there has opportunity costs. Like i'm not around to watch sea sea grow old.
she was fat and having a bit of problems moving around but she would always be hyper and excited at the sound of the doors opening and the sight of her leash.
it's just really unfair to me (i feel) to have to accept her death less than a week of my return to singapore.
Yet these are one of the things i have to deal with being human.
Suddenly i would have flashback of me driving to the entertainment centre to watch coldplay while i was sending emails to my clients.
Then i would have images of the FABULOUS charsiew & roast pork rice at this tiny Hong Kong restaurant in chinatown, brisbane. And how i would eat at least 3 servings of rice. All these ran through my head while i was having lousy char siew rice at the new food court at Wisma.
Yesterday i was out with lennie and apek and the ever-so-familiar song, It's Too Late by evermore was ringing on their mobile.
Then today i blasted evermore all day on this lazy sunday nursing a tired weekend.
LiveNLocal concerts, Make Poverty History concerts - all of which i have to miss.
SOMETIMES I DONT SEE WHY I AM LIVING IN SINGAPORE.
really.
I dont understand why i have to live in a land full of ugly singaporeans who knows no basic courtesy and manners on everything - from public transport to food courts to clubbing venues to toilets to aeroplanes to concert venues.
I dont understand why i have to live in this place where people indulge in crappy tv, make-believe reality tv and absolute consumerism.
I dont understand why i have to live in this land where no musicians want to come, no big and exciting concerts or festivals, where evermore is virtually unknown.
I don't understand why i am actually living in this land where they would choose HADY over Jonathan; taufik over sylvester.
My virgin experience at dragonfly yesterday and saw SLY perform. My friends went there a couple of times but he didnt perform. So i think i am fated to meet sly.
Do not get me wrong - no fan of sly but he was damn cute last nite!
Had a very strong urge to shout his name like i would at a concert but too damn embarrassing.
Back to the topic.
I REALLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND.
And i dont mean it in a sarcastic way. I really mean it. I really DO NOT understand.
Now that Sea Sea is no longer around, i have less issues with not spending enough time at home with her.
Yet i miss the company so much it spurns thoughts of getting a new dog.
CJY the bf, was so concerned with distraught me that he suggested he get a new dog for me.
Then it dawned on me that it is too scary of human beings to want to replace something they lost that they could do it in an instant.
It scares me to think that sea sea who's loyally served me for 8 years (she was 10 when she died but i wasn't around in the last 2 years) can be replaced so easily in an instant by the purchase of another dog.
i'm not getting another dog in the nearest future. but i think i will eventually. and when that happens, i am at ease with myself. and i am contented to know sea sea is in heaven.
----------------------------------------------------
Sea Sea's death had an enormous impact on me, my perspectives on life and the way i do things now.
Nothing is forever.
And nothing is worth too much of my attention.
Sadly, i feel friends come and go.
To me, friends are actually disposable now.
It's gonna cause an uproar saying this - but i feel there is no one friendship that can last forever.
At least that hasnt happened to me.
I am an honourable person and i help my friends whenever they're in trouble. Yet, sometimes it wasnt meant to be. Could be timing. Could be third parties. Could just be the elements of earth.
Not a shame - just be gracious and be thankful it happened and move on.
I'm at ease with myself and my surroundings.
I know who are the ones genuine about my ties with them.
Just no time for petty fights or immature children.
Life is too short for all these.
